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Gillian Hayes, PhD, ADHD Coach
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Decluttering: the universal law. (With one - gasp! - equation.)

16/9/2019

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Person in front of many many haphazardly stacked books on shelves. By Darwin Vegher on Unsplash. @darwiiiin
I've just been reading about decluttering. A nice new book. It had lots of suggestions that - I've no doubt - many people have found or will find useful. It involved a lot of buying of containers for sorting clutter into. Installing shelves, cupboards, hanging files, etc.

It wasn't written for someone whose place is small and already full. Short of swap space.

And it struck me that most of what I read about decluttering misses one vital thing.


You're going to have to THROW SOMETHING OUT!!


It's not that the clutter that already exists "just! needs an appropriate container and then all will be well.


The amount of stuff needs to actually DECREASE.


And so, in the absence of access through a wormhole to another dimension, which allows you to pop all your extra stuff into a handy mansion on the other side (where it can be nicely curated), some of the stuff is going to HAVE TO GO.


This is actually a BIG DEAL.


Many of the things currently taking up space have sentimental attachment for me, by which I mean that each has a cluster of memories networked to it. It lights up biggish, well-connected chunks of my brain.

And throwing them away means saying goodbye to those memories. Camping down that neural activity, like beating out a forest fire with a shovel. Wrenching them out, leaving torn, grieving synapses.

Yes, I could take pictures of them. They would then disappear into the morass of jpegs, millions of magnetic domains of 1s and 0s on some storage medium somewhere. Yes, could do that. I might feel better at the time of chucking out.

And I can Freegle them, some of them, so that I know/hope that they will be used by someone else. Or they can go in the recycling (and thence where?). Or to a charity shop. All salve of a sort.

But the net sum of stuff has to decrease. No way round it.


The universal law of decluttering:
Picture
The rate of increase over time of the total amount of stuff is less than zero, i.e. it's negative, i.e. it's a decrease! The amount of stuff must decrease!!


Live with this for a bit, and be kind to yourself when you're finding decluttering hard.
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How to read research papers and make your project literature review easier

25/10/2018

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You have a bunch of papers to read so you can start your project. Where to start? How to start?

Obviously you pick one, start with the abstract and finish with the last reference, right?

Nope.

Most papers are written by academics, not professional writers. And they're not written with the idea of getting you hooked within the first paragraph.

Reading a research paper, especially when you've not had much practice at it, can be a tough job. Chances are you could get stuck partway through the materials and methods. So you put it down. A week later, back to those materials and methods. Oh, turgid stuff.
​

​Split it up

Here's a way of splitting up the task to make it better, more useful, and maybe even (hopefully) more interesting, even gripping.

0. Print it out. You're going to read it off the paper so you can write on it, use highlighters, and remember its spatial layout. A lot of your brain is devoted to processing physical space (as opposed to a static screen where one page is identical to the next, where you're not physically holding it, and where there are no coffee stains or any other distinguishing features). Let that brain do its job.

1. ​First, read the abstract, the intro, and the conclusion. Only. Ask yourself as you're reading: what is this paper about? What did they want to show/measure? Did they do it? You look to see how well those questions are answered in those three sections.

Then take a break. A few minutes, a day, a couple of days.

2. Next time, read the intro (to refresh your memory) and then read the materials and methods section. What did they do? What were the experiments? What pieces of kit did they use?

Take a break.

3. Next you might like to look at the results. What results did they get? How have they analysed their results? How do they rate their results? Don't get bogged down in any statistical methods that they use - you can do that later if it turns out to be important to you.

Take a break.

4. Look at the theory - if that's part of the paper. How much of it do you understand? What would you need to do to be able to understand it all? (Just make a list - and then you don't necessarily have to do it, at least not now.)

Take a break.

5. What did they intend to show and how well did they show it? What do they say themselves in the critical evaluation section? What would they do differently if they were able to do it all again? What did they not show? What do they suggest for further work?

Take a break.

6. By now, you're familiar with the paper. So you can scan it all through in one go if you wish.

7. Put a summary together about the paper. Something maybe like this:

X and Y investigated topic A. They looked at Z phenomenon (covered in theory) in P scenarios (different experimental setups, e.g. elements, substances, techniques used). Their results showed Q (results section), however they didn't have sufficient data points (critical analysis) to show R (shortcomings). It would be interesting to study S (the further work section) in scenario T (what you're going to do for your project).

8. Then add a bibliography entry to your bibliography management software (or use Word).


That's it. On to the next paper.


The whole idea is to have some questions in mind as you're reading - so you're reading to answer those questions, not for entertainment - and to read the various parts of the paper at different times. Sometimes your brain will be into theory/maths, other times you'll just want to read about lasers or spectrometers or hardware or experimental subjects and questionnaires.

Reading a group of papers by theme makes comparisons between them easier too - you're comparing methods, or subjects, or types of analysis, or domains of application.

The papers aren't just pieces of prose, they're actually tools. So don't read them like a novel, make them work for you. Happy reading!
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The Time Is Right? Or Is It?

21/1/2016

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The other day I was heading out to see the accountant. I was late.
 
Somehow (hah!) I'd got stuck reading email, following links, looking up Google Translate to see if there really are three T's in the middle of the German for "fitted bedsheet" -- and what about Invernessshire? --  washing my hair (it's long so washing it is a palaver), and so on.
 
And I needed to get dressed. (Yup, that surfing all happened in my PJs.)
 
And the clothes were all in the wardrobe.
 
And I suddenly remembered that, the night before, when putting away laundry, I'd had the fleeting thought, "wouldn't it be good to get out all the clothes I need for tomorrow right now? wouldn't that save me time tomorrow?".
 
And the thought fled.
 
It left me with a warm glow (I'd just come up with a great idea) and the half-glimpse of a feeling that went something like this.
 
This isn't the right time to get out my clothes for tomorrow. This is putting-the-laundry-away time. There is a right time for getting clothes out. That is getting-clothes-out time.
 
The time now is not the right time!
 
(Obviously, the clothes stayed in the wardrobe.)

This feeling of "the right time"
 
I've been becoming aware of this "this isn't the right time" sub-feeling for a while now. It's almost subconscious. Just a sort of cloud of awareness that dissipates quickly.

  • This isn't the right time to empty that pan of yuckiness (ancient dahl) that's lurking in the fridge.
  • This isn't the right time to go and wander around the new Apple shop.
  • Or answer that email.
  • Or throw away the tens of packets of chopsticks and fortune cookies (gluten :( ) in my cupboard. 
  • Or write this article.
  • Or investigate that pile of paper to see what might need to be done to get rid of it.
 
It's as if there's this notion that, one day, I will present myself at my computer (probably at 7am, having sprung up out of my bed at 6, done yoga, and drunk wheatgrass) and will feel, know, that NOW is the time to write my article. And if I'm unsure, I can look in my calendar and see, there: Tuesday morning at 7am, article-writing time. It will feel right, it will sit with me perfectly.
 
Really? Is this ever going to happen?
 
I wonder. Is it non-ADHD-life envy? Is non-ADHD life like that? Some of me hopes it is, most of me guesses it isn't.
 
I can't fathom it (yet) but I do know that it's surely not serving me.
 
This is what I've started to do about it.
 
Whenever I catch this sub-feeling -- and that is the trick, of course -- how do you become aware of a mostly subconscious occurrence? -- I ask myself some questions.

  • Is that true?
  • If not now, when?
  • Why wouldn't you do it now?
 
Not in an accusatory tone, but curiously.
 
And I ask myself, how will your self tomorrow feel if you do this for her now?
 
I might not want to do it now. I might be doing something else and this would interrupt. That's OK. At least it's explicit.
 
And sometimes, especially if it's a quick task, it gets done.
 
The last few nights I've got out my clothes for the next day. They go onto a pile on the floor (nothing fancy). And they're ready for me when I get up. It's fantastic!!
 
At that point, I reinforce the whole behaviour by really luxuriating in the fact that I did this and it's made my life easier.
 
And then send my past self a heartfelt thank-you and a great big sloppy kiss.
 
What about you? Ever get that feeling? I would love to know -- drop me a comment!
 
PS. The dahl pan was growing some very interesting microorganisms, is now stained yellow from prolonged contact with turmeric, but is clean and in service again. Ooh, look, two o's in the middle of "microorganisms"! Wonder if there's a word with three?

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Praise You, Often

21/10/2015

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Picture of hands waving in the air
When did you last tell yourself how fantastic you are? Ace? Bonzer? Wicked?
 
Whaaat??? Well, when did you last tell yourself how fantastic you are? Or amazing? Or wonderful? Or terrific? Or real swell?
 
For most of us the answer is surely "Can't remember". Or even "Never".
 
Don't be ridiculous -- I'm not fantastic! Why would I tell myself something that's so patently wrong!
 
I'm not big-headed. Or vain. Why would I want to puff myself up with pride?
 
At best, it's incorrect. It's wrong. It's bad!!
 
OK then. When did you last tell yourself how rubbish or useless you are?
 
Ohhh, yesterday? A couple of hours ago? Within the last five minutes?
 
At this point, you probably expect me to tell you that, no, you are wonderful! Think that instead!! But I'm not going to. I couldn't do that straight off for myself, and I'm guessing you can't make that switch without a bit more work.
 
Like bass player Jim taking the National Brass Band Trophy in the film Brassed Off, right after Danny's made an emotional speech refusing it, there's a bit of me going "Don't talk so !*##&! soft!".
 
Try to get out of this bit of logic...
 
Being brought up among a lot of plain-talkers (hmmm, ADHD has a strong genetic component and turned-down impulse control is one of its features....), and having spent a lot of time in a society where "you shouldn't need to be told when you're doing well -- we'll soon let you know if you go wrong" (so the best you can hope for is zero!!), it doesn't come easy to me to praise myself. And I've seen that in a lot of my clients with ADHD too.
 
But I have managed to come up with some logic that got me, grudgingly at first, over this barrier.
 
See if it works for you.
 
Just how true actually are all the insults we fling at ourselves? Probably not so much. But we still do it, frequently. So, as a counterbalance, why not fling praise at ourselves? Doesn't have to be completely true, but we can still do it.
 
Logical, captain!
 
Haha!!
 
Here's your challenge.
 
For the next half-hour, tell yourself that you're wonderful, terrific, awesome, awesomesauce,  fantastic, wicked, ace, bostin', bonzer, epic!!!
 
Any time you go out for a walk, same!
 
Balance up the insults and talking down. If you want to be really finicky about it, count all the times you find yourself insulting yourself and come up with the same number of praises/approvals/esteems! (Do you know, there are 43 synonyms for "insult" in my online thesaurus and only 14 antonyms?)
 
How do you feel afterwards? Better than zero? Did your head grow an extra hat size? Did you have fun?
 
What could it do for you if this became part of your everyday life?
 
I'd love to hear from you how it went. What's your most totally best  belter of a praise word?
 
Drop me a comment or tell us on the Facebook page.

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NOW and NEXT - your shortest TWO-DO list!

2/9/2015

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Picture of Post-it to-do list with just two items: now and next
Have you ever had so much to do (or think you have) that everything's just orbiting around your head, you can't catch on to it, and you retreat into a sort of daze of overwhelm?

Or spent ages making a to-do list, been so amazed and deluged by the number of things on it that you end up doing nothing? Just not been able to choose for something, anything?

If getting overwhelmed by the size of your to-do list is a problem, this is for you!

It's a TWO-DO list!

Just TWO things on the list:

  1. What am I going to do NOW?
  2. What am I going to do NEXT?

That's all!


You can write them down if you want. But even if you don't want, two things are probably not going to overtax your working memory. They'll leave you a bit of swap space to actually carry out the task.

NOW and NEXT

When you're doing the NOW task, the furthest you're allowed to think into the future is the NEXT task. You're not allowed to think of anything else until you get on to the NEXT task -- which of course becomes the new NOW task.

And if you really can't stop yourself having a cheeky think about all of those other things that are waving at you from the periphery of your vision, you can have an AND THEN task lined up to take its place as NEXT once you've done with NOW.


GET STARTED

This two-do list is a great way to get started on action when you have way too many things you could be doing. Chances are, the first couple of actions you undertake will be quite small, quick ones. Clean teeth. Take the rubbish out. Put gym clothes in laundry basket. Format the references for one section of your essay. Decide what you're having for tea.

Then you might have an action to make a brain dump of all the to-dos that are bugging you. Put them on a list or a mind map. Pick one that you'd like to do first. Break it down into five chunks.

But at any time, keep only those two things in your memory: NOW and NEXT.


And, because, like the orange elephant with purple spots, you won't be able to stop thinking about it, task number 3: AND THEN.


Try it out! How did you get on? I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a comment or post on the Facebook page.

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There's No "Just" in Doing It (Plus "Ewwww")

28/1/2015

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The other week I got an email from someone with a very nice fill-in-the-gaps way of making a plan for something that I might want to achieve. It went through breaking down the plan into actions, figuring out what would get in my way, making my goal specific, measurable and recognisable, and what I'd do to celebrate achieving my goal.

But there was something missing.

At no point in the list of steps did it actually say "ACT!!". DO this thing!!!!

Now as anyone with ADHD knows, having a plan and carrying out a plan are two entirely different kettles of fish.

Dust and Worse, Much Worse (Warning: includes an "Ewwww" moment)

Many years ago, I had a beautiful flow chart pinned to the wall in my hallway. It was a plan for completely redecorating my bedroom. All the steps were in there - painting, decorating, electrician, building a new wardrobe, etc.

But it foundered at the first step.

Guess what the problem was.

Well, it's actually a bit gross but I'm pretty certain it's part of the everyday life of many, many people with ADHD.

The first step was to recycle my old bed using the local Freegle group. I couldn't bear to throw away such a good piece of kit - it seemed like a profligate waste of resources - so I wanted to pass it on to someone else, for free.

However, under my bed was a thick layer of DUST. But it wasn't just any old dust (if you're of a nervous disposition, look away now). It was lots of actual dead skin cells. From me.

I was too embarrassed to advertise my bed because anyone collecting it would see the dust as soon as they moved it. And of course they would think me an utter slob, be repulsed, refuse the bed, leave in disgust, and all my worst thoughts about myself would be confirmed.

Well, after a couple of years that plan eventually got ripped down off the wall. I felt it mocking me every time I noticed it.

A beautiful plan does not mean automatically reaching your goal.

When You've Got the Plan You've Still Got to Do It

Now that I'm an ADHD coach, I can look back and see what WOULD have helped me with carrying out that plan.

Certainly adding "overcoming the obstacle" onto the front of the plan. Brainstorming some steps to overcome it. Imagining those steps. Choosing one.

And then DOING that action.

Which is actually a bunch of steps.

Having a coach to stand by me while I examined my beliefs a bit would have been great - would someone really have that reaction? what would it say about me if they did (and was that true)? was it really all that bad to dislike vacuuming? would the cleaning company mind me asking them to do the job? could I clean most of it myself and not care if all the edges and corners weren't perfect? Etc.

And then acting, really doing it. Choosing a time to do the action, putting it in my diary. Having a coach waiting for me to mail them that I'd done it (it's often much easier to do an action if you know someone else is on tenterhooks waiting for you to do it). Having them work through it again with me if I didn't manage to get it done the first time. And finally celebrating with me when it was done. And (so celebration isn't the end) helping me to keep on track and move on to the next step.

Helping me to gather my courage together to do the whatever-it-is that other people find silly and I find almost insurmountable.

Getting Your Courage Together (and What Happened to the Dust)

What actions would you like to do but are getting stuck on? Could you break them up a bit more into smaller ones? Visualise them, book them in your diary?

Would you benefit from a coach cheering you on and standing by you? Helping you get your courage together so that you finally do that action?

Let me know of your sticking points, those seemingly ridiculous things that stop you getting started. And if you would like to talk more about getting some help from me (coaching, not vacuuming!) then contact me for a 30-minute chat.

(BTW, the dust problem was eventually solved by the purchase of a Roomba vacuum cleaner that did a much better job than I had ever done of under-bed dust collection. It was before I know about ADHD and ADHD coaches, and I was much happier dealing with robots than cleaners!)

Here's to you doing it - and no "just" about it!
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Oh, No, Not More on New Year's Resolutions!!

15/1/2015

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Give me a break Gillian. It's the middle of January - surely we can forget them by now!!

Don't tell me. You actually have forgotten them. Or at least you're trying very hard to do so.

Well, but here's a postscript to my last post.

Yes, you can forget them. But if they're not working as you'd imagined (planned?), then there is an alternative to dumping them.

You can revise them, you know.

Those resolutions are for you. Things that you want to do, have decided you want to tackle.

So now could be the time to drop those you only like the idea of doing. You'd like to think of yourself as someone who goes running three times a week, but you actually can't bear to get outside in the cold, the wind, the rain and the snow. Fine. Drop that one. Think about it again on May 1st. Put it in your diary.

But what about the ones that you actively do want to do?

You've done them a couple of times, but are in danger of stopping because how you'd imagined they'd work out isn't how they've actually worked out.

And yet you feel you have to stick to the rules. Rules that you made, I might add.

You'd decided to eat more greens. A salad every day. With homemade vinaigrette. (I hereby promise never to use "drizzle" in the context of cooking on this site.) Yet you couldn't face cleaning the slimy outer leaves off that lettuce when you got home from a hard day at work. And as for squeezing a lemon, well, the only one in the fridge is looking dried up and on the point of growing something that could contribute to medical science.

But how could you complete the task of more greens every day without being interrupted by slimy lettuces and mouldy lemons?

Buy a bag of salad? And, horror of horrors, a bottle of salad dressing? One with reasonably fresh ingredients, that lives in the fridge, but still - ready made??

Why not. You can change the rules. The aim is to get more green stuff into you, not to do it in some very specific and particular rule-driven way.

So how can you revise your resolutions so that you can keep them going till March 31st?

This is what I did about my tea resolution. If you remember, it was a Detox tea (blue packet) on Monday and a Cleanse tea (green packet) on Thursday. I'd made a super-witty way of remembering: Blue Mondays and Green Thursdays (try Google...). But I didn't feel like drinking the green one on Thursday. So, revise the resolution: put the packets out by the kettle on Monday and drink them by next Monday. Doesn't matter which day. It can even be two teas on the same day. My rules, mine to change.

So what rules are you going to change?

Go ahead! Make it easier to keep all that good stuff going for a few more weeks.

Here's to you changing your rules. And a Happy New Year still!

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ADHD New Year's Resolutions Made Easy

5/1/2015

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So here's a suggestion: how about making New Year's 90-DAY-ONLY resolutions? They last until March 31st. Then you can drop them. If they're not a habit by then, they were probably a bad idea to start with.

Also: make 'em small. And specific. Small is doable, and specific means you know exactly what to do. Run through them in your imagination so you know what they involve (primes your brain). Write down the steps and pin the list on your fridge/mirror where you can't miss it (saves on the what-was-it-I-was-going-to-do-again ruminations).

Here are mine:

  • Blog post every 2 weeks. That's 6.5 blog posts till March 31st.
  • Drink a Detox tea and a Cleanse tea every week (I said I was talking small here!). There are now 13 of each in a box on my kitchen counter.
  • Do neurofeedback on myself every week. Tick-list with weeks/dates now pinned at eye level next to my office door.

And, OK, can't resist a big general one - if you're the one making up rules for yourself, you get to change them.

  • Take life more lightly, acknowledge all the things I do in a day (because it's always more than zero), and no beating myself up if the resolutions don't last the distance.

Come April 1st, it'll be time for April Fools' resolutions!
Been thinking about New Year's resolutions this week. Do you still make them?

On the one hand, they bring with them the promise and potential that things are going to be different or better this year than last year.

On the other, previous years are littered with resolutions that lasted all of 10 days - if that - before being broken.

How to take advantage of the energy that comes from starting something with new resolve, yet not set oneself up for disappointment, recriminations, and general personal beating up when it's too cold, dark and wet to go outside for a run at 7am?
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