The other week I got an email from someone with a very nice fill-in-the-gaps way of making a plan for something that I might want to achieve. It went through breaking down the plan into actions, figuring out what would get in my way, making my goal specific, measurable and recognisable, and what I'd do to celebrate achieving my goal.
But there was something missing.
At no point in the list of steps did it actually say "ACT!!". DO this thing!!!!
Now as anyone with ADHD knows, having a plan and carrying out a plan are two entirely different kettles of fish.
But there was something missing.
At no point in the list of steps did it actually say "ACT!!". DO this thing!!!!
Now as anyone with ADHD knows, having a plan and carrying out a plan are two entirely different kettles of fish.
Dust and Worse, Much Worse (Warning: includes an "Ewwww" moment)
Many years ago, I had a beautiful flow chart pinned to the wall in my hallway. It was a plan for completely redecorating my bedroom. All the steps were in there - painting, decorating, electrician, building a new wardrobe, etc.
But it foundered at the first step.
Guess what the problem was.
Well, it's actually a bit gross but I'm pretty certain it's part of the everyday life of many, many people with ADHD.
The first step was to recycle my old bed using the local Freegle group. I couldn't bear to throw away such a good piece of kit - it seemed like a profligate waste of resources - so I wanted to pass it on to someone else, for free.
However, under my bed was a thick layer of DUST. But it wasn't just any old dust (if you're of a nervous disposition, look away now). It was lots of actual dead skin cells. From me.
I was too embarrassed to advertise my bed because anyone collecting it would see the dust as soon as they moved it. And of course they would think me an utter slob, be repulsed, refuse the bed, leave in disgust, and all my worst thoughts about myself would be confirmed.
Well, after a couple of years that plan eventually got ripped down off the wall. I felt it mocking me every time I noticed it.
A beautiful plan does not mean automatically reaching your goal.
But it foundered at the first step.
Guess what the problem was.
Well, it's actually a bit gross but I'm pretty certain it's part of the everyday life of many, many people with ADHD.
The first step was to recycle my old bed using the local Freegle group. I couldn't bear to throw away such a good piece of kit - it seemed like a profligate waste of resources - so I wanted to pass it on to someone else, for free.
However, under my bed was a thick layer of DUST. But it wasn't just any old dust (if you're of a nervous disposition, look away now). It was lots of actual dead skin cells. From me.
I was too embarrassed to advertise my bed because anyone collecting it would see the dust as soon as they moved it. And of course they would think me an utter slob, be repulsed, refuse the bed, leave in disgust, and all my worst thoughts about myself would be confirmed.
Well, after a couple of years that plan eventually got ripped down off the wall. I felt it mocking me every time I noticed it.
A beautiful plan does not mean automatically reaching your goal.
When You've Got the Plan You've Still Got to Do It
Now that I'm an ADHD coach, I can look back and see what WOULD have helped me with carrying out that plan.
Certainly adding "overcoming the obstacle" onto the front of the plan. Brainstorming some steps to overcome it. Imagining those steps. Choosing one.
And then DOING that action.
Which is actually a bunch of steps.
Having a coach to stand by me while I examined my beliefs a bit would have been great - would someone really have that reaction? what would it say about me if they did (and was that true)? was it really all that bad to dislike vacuuming? would the cleaning company mind me asking them to do the job? could I clean most of it myself and not care if all the edges and corners weren't perfect? Etc.
And then acting, really doing it. Choosing a time to do the action, putting it in my diary. Having a coach waiting for me to mail them that I'd done it (it's often much easier to do an action if you know someone else is on tenterhooks waiting for you to do it). Having them work through it again with me if I didn't manage to get it done the first time. And finally celebrating with me when it was done. And (so celebration isn't the end) helping me to keep on track and move on to the next step.
Helping me to gather my courage together to do the whatever-it-is that other people find silly and I find almost insurmountable.
Certainly adding "overcoming the obstacle" onto the front of the plan. Brainstorming some steps to overcome it. Imagining those steps. Choosing one.
And then DOING that action.
Which is actually a bunch of steps.
Having a coach to stand by me while I examined my beliefs a bit would have been great - would someone really have that reaction? what would it say about me if they did (and was that true)? was it really all that bad to dislike vacuuming? would the cleaning company mind me asking them to do the job? could I clean most of it myself and not care if all the edges and corners weren't perfect? Etc.
And then acting, really doing it. Choosing a time to do the action, putting it in my diary. Having a coach waiting for me to mail them that I'd done it (it's often much easier to do an action if you know someone else is on tenterhooks waiting for you to do it). Having them work through it again with me if I didn't manage to get it done the first time. And finally celebrating with me when it was done. And (so celebration isn't the end) helping me to keep on track and move on to the next step.
Helping me to gather my courage together to do the whatever-it-is that other people find silly and I find almost insurmountable.
Getting Your Courage Together (and What Happened to the Dust)
What actions would you like to do but are getting stuck on? Could you break them up a bit more into smaller ones? Visualise them, book them in your diary?
Would you benefit from a coach cheering you on and standing by you? Helping you get your courage together so that you finally do that action?
Let me know of your sticking points, those seemingly ridiculous things that stop you getting started. And if you would like to talk more about getting some help from me (coaching, not vacuuming!) then contact me for a 30-minute chat.
(BTW, the dust problem was eventually solved by the purchase of a Roomba vacuum cleaner that did a much better job than I had ever done of under-bed dust collection. It was before I know about ADHD and ADHD coaches, and I was much happier dealing with robots than cleaners!)
Here's to you doing it - and no "just" about it!
Would you benefit from a coach cheering you on and standing by you? Helping you get your courage together so that you finally do that action?
Let me know of your sticking points, those seemingly ridiculous things that stop you getting started. And if you would like to talk more about getting some help from me (coaching, not vacuuming!) then contact me for a 30-minute chat.
(BTW, the dust problem was eventually solved by the purchase of a Roomba vacuum cleaner that did a much better job than I had ever done of under-bed dust collection. It was before I know about ADHD and ADHD coaches, and I was much happier dealing with robots than cleaners!)
Here's to you doing it - and no "just" about it!
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